You know the scene.
It’s 7:30pm. You’ve done the bath, the PJs, the three books, the song, the two glasses of water, the four ‘one more hug’ negotiations, and the bathroom trip that definitely did not need to happen.
At this point, it’s 9:15 pm. You’re lying on the floor of your toddler’s room, staring at the ceiling, waiting for the sound of slow, even breathing that tells you it’s finally safe to crawl out. Or even worse, you fell asleep yourself and never got back to cleaning up after dinner.
If this is what bedtime looks like in your home, first of all, you are not alone. And second: this IS 100% fixable.
SIGN #1: BEDTIME CONSISTENTLY TAKES LONGER THAN 30 MINUTES
A healthy toddler bedtime routine should take 20-30 minutes from start to sleep. When it’s stretching to 60, 90, or 120 minutes consistently, something in the process has gotten out of alignment.
SIGN #2: THEY END UP IN YOUR BED BEFORE MIDNIGHT MOST NIGHTS
If your toddler is ending up in your bed not because you planned it, but because it’s the only way anyone gets back to sleep – that’s a sign that independent sleep skills need to be rebuilt.
SIGN #3: THEY NEED YOU IN THE ROOM TO FALL ASLEEP
This one is common and understandable. The challenge is that this affects every night wake-up – because they need you to recreate those conditions every time they surface.
SIGN #4: BEDTIME INVOLVES CONSISTENT BARGAINING, TEARS, OR MELTDOWNS
Nightly, prolonged meltdowns signal that the current system isn’t working for anyone — including your toddler.
SIGN #5: STILL WAKING MULTIPLE TIMES AND NEEDING YOU TO RESETTLE Them
Toddlers with strong independent sleep skills can put themselves back to sleep after nighttime waking. If yours consistently needs your presence, this is the core skill that needs rebuilding.
Let’s Get Your Child Sleeping Through The Night
Just think, in as little as 1 to 3 days, you may ALL be sleeping better through the night!
HOW TO START A GENTLE SLEEP RESET
STEP ONE: Create a visual bedtime routine
Toddlers feel significantly more secure when they know what’s coming.
Create a simple visual showing 4-5 steps in order: Bath → PJs → Book → Prayer → Sleep.
Post it on the wall. Let your toddler touch each step as you go. This reduces stalling enormously.
STEP TWO: Give one empowered choice within the routine
“Star jammies or cows?” and/or “This book or that book?”
Small choices satisfy big feelings, and this allows them to feel empowered in the decision-making process.
STEP THREE: Do a 'last call' before lights out.
Anticipate what’s coming next and be ready.
“Here is one more sip of water.” “Let’s make your bedtime potty now”.
“Bedtime hug”
Address everything before you leave the room. Remove the ammunition in advance.
STEP FOUR: Hold the boundary for 7 full nights before evaluating
Toddlers will test the new system. Consistent, calm responses to the testing IS the process.
READY TO GO DEEPER?
Our 3-Week Toddler Sleep Plan includes a completely custom plan, phone and Zoom support, daily check-ins, and me in your corner every night. Most families start to see results within the first 3-5 nights.
→ Learn more: fabuloussleepsolutions.com
You’ve got this. And we’ve got you. 💜
Author Christina Fabritiis is a pediatric sleep consultant and founder of Fabulous Sleep Solutions, based in the San Tan Valley and Queen Creek area of Arizona. She works with families locally and nationally to help babies, children, teens, and adults get the sleep they need. Learn more about sleep training at: fabuloussleepsolutions.com